By Author V.S.Atbay
25 Important Tips While Dating:
1) Don't control or micro-manage the relationship, your partner or the outcome of certain events. Learn to lose control and trust the unknown. Get to know the nature and essence of your relationship. Get to know the person. Let go of "what ifs" and replace what if with "we'll see"...say it in your head and go with the flow. Have some faith.
2) Allow things to flow naturally. The more you force the direction of the relationship, the less genuine it becomes. Practice active patience while having fun.
3) As long as it wasn't intentionally hurtful, have no regrets - whatever you said felt right in that given moment because you were being true to yourself and hopefully, honest with your date. Congratulate yourself for being courageous and honoring your own feelings.
4) Be true to yourself - acknowledge your own needs and wants and don't compromise your own happiness all the time. When you respect yourself, it's easy for others to respect you too. When you ONLY respect others - and not yourself - you lose your own soul in the process. Love yourself first, because the primary and top priority relationship you have is with always with yourself. TLC is the KEY.
5) Smile, laugh, be yourself and celebrate who you are each step of the way. Don't shrink away from your greatness. It's better to be loved for who you are, then for who you're forced to be or think you should be. Encourage your partner to do the same. Be beautiful together!
6) Accept the other person for who they are - if you don't like them, move on. Don't compare them with your Ex or change them into someone you want them to be. You wouldn't want anyone doing that to you. If change is necessary, it's only healthy if both you and your partner want to improve on an aspect of your relationship mutually.
7) Avoid high expectations. It places a lot of pressure on one person - give them a chance to prove their love, respect, kindness to you within time. No one is perfect.
8) Don't place your partner on a pedestal. By doing that you're not accepting them for who they are, but who you THINK they are or should be. Take them off the pedestal. No one wants to be idolized with all that pressure.
9) Be honest with yourself - don't accept or settle for something or someone that doesn't make you happy. Only you know the truth. Period.
10) Don't pity yourself or your partner - no one wants to be pitied; it robs a person from their strength and discourages a person from truly growing and improving.
11) Give your partner space even if you're growing emotionally/physically close. Getting attached too fast and too quick can lead to addictive and obsessive habits. No one should place a restraining order down the road.
12) Don't be possessive - they have a life of their own outside of the relationship, just like you do. Respect their independence and your own independence too.
13) Don't lose yourself in the relationship. Maintain a healthy distance and continue resuming with your normal activities. Growing together is crucial and key to a healthy relationship - so leave some breathing space.
14) Don't abandon your work, family and friends just because you're dating. Maintain a healthy balance and don't place all your eggs in one basket. If you're basket breaks, guess where all your eggs will land? Yes, you said it -on the floor, cracked and useless. It's an investment to risky to take - so keep your options open and don't quit your day job.
15) Don't be so anxious about the future. Take it one step at a time, have some faith and allow the relationship to grow naturally. Embrace the journey - it's the little things that truly count, like sharing hot coco on a Sunday afternoon.
16) Communicate openly and be straightforward when communicating. Say what you mean, mean what you say. It's a phrase we've all heard of before. Don't play mind games, act like the victim or force your partner to pity you or figure you out. If you like games, solve a puzzle. Any form of drama is a waste of time. Filter out exhausting ideas, things or people.
17) Don't date for the wrong reasons - know your intentions and respect each person for who they are - everyone has a heart and is worthy of loving.
18) Don't keep your heart on your sleeve. Giving too much and too fast can leave the person feeling overwhelmed, and you feeling unappreciated - allow the person to earn your love, trust and respect within time. Allow the person to show you their love as well. Being vulnerable also means knowing how to accept love in return.
19) Don't act clingy or co-dependent- maintain your own independence and sense of identity.
20) Treat your partner with respect and compassion. What goes around, comes around. If you're going to be kind, be genuine about your kindness and all your actions. The universe is always keeping an eye on our actions and intentions. So if you've got good "Mens Rea" (intention) yes, I'm using the infamous legal term here- then you're on your way to establishing positive values for yourself and your partner - in a "non-criminal" way. (that was a joke)
21) Curb your sensitivity. Not everyone will perceive things the same way you do - allow yourself to embrace difference and understand different points of view, specially in the midst of a heated conversation. Challenge yourself to see outside the box. You're not always right - and why not be curious instead. Being "always right" is out of style. Really. And not impressive if you're trying to build a relationship on mutual and respectful growth or collaboration.
22) Follow your intuition - your gut feelings will lead you to the answers that are right for you. Yes, it's really that simple.
23) Face facts- don't bask in denial. If you feel like someone is treating you bad, then they are treating you bad. Don't make excuses for their unhealthy behavior in order to prolong the inevitable. Rule number one: We can't force people to love us. Rule number two: remind yourself of rule number one.
24) Don't allow another person's negativity, ego, or unhealthy remarks make you feel insecure. Don't change for the wrong reasons in order to please him or her. Know your worth and have a healthy set of standards for yourself. This will come in handy on your "fragile" days.
25) Don't hold onto grudges, resentment or take every single argument seriously. It's not worth it. Learn to compromise, forgive, let go, listen, understand and come to mutual agreements without having to drag the issues on forever - Patience is key and so is promising not to go to bed angry. Who wants to sleep without covers, specially when the energy between you and your lover is below zero degrees. tsk, tsk - that's too frosty.
Author V.S. Atbay